


whiskey wracked

by puchuupoet



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Cuddling and Snuggling, Gen, Gen Fic, Pre-Series, heat - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-15
Updated: 2011-04-15
Packaged: 2017-10-18 03:21:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/184438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puchuupoet/pseuds/puchuupoet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bunking down with his brother in a motel room, Sam happens upon one of Dean's secrets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	whiskey wracked

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [](http://stickingplaster.livejournal.com/profile)[**stickingplaster**](http://stickingplaster.livejournal.com/) for the beta ♥ (This was supposed to be tiny! A drabble to tide me over while I worked on everything else!)

It's late August, and it's already too hot, even without the weatherman announcing the heat wave rolling through the state. There's a job out here somewhere, lost among the tumbleweeds and jackrabbits, but Sam's not sure his dad knows exactly where. He's too smart to bring it up again; already banished to the back seat for having a smart mouth.

He gets it, how the heat crawls under everyone's skin and makes them itchy and irritable. Sam just wishes that Dad would understand as well, maybe let them stop a couple hours early instead of pushing deeper and deeper into the desert.

Sam glances up at the front seat in time to catch Dean looking back at him. Dean quickly looks away, goes back to murmuring names off of a map in the hopes that John will recognize one, but Sam knows. Dean gets it. At least, more than Dad does right now.

Sam slouches down as best he can, his t-shirt riding up as it sticks to the upholstery. His backpack's at his feet, still crammed full of papers from the last push of the school year. Three more days and he could have gone on the end of semester trip to the tech museum with the other seventh graders, could have had a chance to say goodbye to everyone.

But Dad had caught a whiff of something down and out in the Arizona desert, and had the car packed and ready when Sam and Dean had come home after school. Sam had opened his mouth in protest, but Dad just shook his head. "Not the time. Something big's down there."

But if there had been something big, they hadn't found it yet, and the resentment was growing faster than normal in Sam's gut. He kicks at his backpack, steps on it until he can feel the papers crunching into a matted hunk at the bottom of it. One final kick, too much energy this time and Dean yelps.

"Both of you, knock it off." Dad says automatically, and Dean throws himself back against the seat, jarring Sam's leg.

Sam sticks his tongue out at the back of Dean's head before lying all the way down, shoving his sweatshirt underneath his head. He's hidden this way from Dad, doesn't have to see the way Dad's fingers knead the steering wheel or how the sweat's starting to stain his white t-shirt. Sam can hide from all of that down here, and he presses his cheek against the fabric.

Dean's backpack is shoved in on this side of the car; the seams straining with the fast packing job, the zippers left half open. Sam's not sure if Dad saw it or not, but he's been yelled at for less, so he reaches out to fix. He's still pissed at Dean: for giving in so easily, for the way he had put his hand between Sam's shoulder blades and shoved him towards the bedroom when Sam had tried to argue. But Dean gets him. Dean helps him and he helps Dean, and things are made just a little bit easier that way.

One zipper is stuck, so Sam reaches out with his other hand to brace the bag. His fingers tighten around something hard, something he finds familiar the longer he holds on to it. A quick glance up shows Dean's still staring at the map, murmuring to himself now, so Sam leans forward, hooking a finger over the pocket to take a quick look.

The top of a flask greets his eyes, and Sam lets go of the backpack immediately, pulling his hand back to his chest. He's seen Dean drink before; having beers with Dad as they work on a case, Sam in the bedroom doing his homework. He knows how many it takes for Dean to start acting loose and relaxed, and even Sam's had it before, even if he did pull back at the bitter taste.

But beer's not kept in silver metal flasks, tucked away in a pocket that's otherwise padded with socks. Sam stares at it for a moment longer, unsure and suddenly doubting. The car braking startles him out of it, and he pulls a sock up and over the flask, hiding it away before he zips the pocket shut.

Dad's already out of the car when Sam raises his head, and it almost looks like Dad's found a place for them to stop. Dean catches him looking and shakes his head.

"Just for the night, kiddo."

"Don't call me that," Sam tells him, mostly out of habit now. "What's going on?"

"Got a text while you were moping back there. Looks like something's happening, but excess baggage isn't allowed. Which is why we're dropping your ass off here." Dean faces the dash again, eyes closely following their dad as he makes his way back from the front office.

"Asshole." Sam kicks at the back of the seat. Dean doesn't respond, just shifts toward the driver's side as Dad opens the door.

"Come on boys, grab your stuff and get inside. Room 22, over to the right a bit." Dad straightens back up, slamming the door shut.

"Dean?" Sam asks, confused, before sitting up and stretching his shoulders out. Dean ignores him, and after a second Sam keeps moving, grabbing at his backpack and duffel bag. He slides out of the back seat, relishing the chance to finally stretch his legs out. The sun's already fallen low in the sky, and when Sam twists in the opposite direction he can see stars starting to litter the sky.

Dad's already halfway to the room, causing Sam to sling his bags over his shoulders and try to catch up. When he's fixated on a hunt like this, Sam's found the best way to get along is to be smart and follow instructions. And if all else fails, be faster than Dean.

  


Dad leaves them with the normal set of instructions as he readies his supplies. Sam pays more attention to the way Dean's chewing on his lower lip than any of the details, but soon the door clicks shut. The Impala's revving up moments later, and it's not until Sam hears it leave the motel parking lot that he moves to check out the place.

It's larger than he thought, a full on kitchenette off to the side of the front area. It makes Sam wonder how long Dad's planning on being gone, and he finds himself torn between the options. This flash of independence is great, aside from the fact that they're miles away from anything worth doing.

The bedroom's in the back, just large enough to hold a single queen bed and a small TV. Sam dumps his bags on the floor on one side of the room before heading back out to where Dean's still standing.

"You wanna do anything?" Sam asks him, leaning against the table. Dean shakes his head and Sam finds himself not wanting to bother with his brother anyways. If Dean wants to mope around cause Dad didn't take him with him, well, that's not Sam's problem. "I'm gonna watch TV," he offers, and Dean just raises his hand in response.

There's not much on, but Sam finally picks an old sitcom before settling down against the propped-up pillows. There's a steady buzz from outside, and that combined with the heat and sounds from the program have Sam dozing off in minutes.

When Sam wakes up the room is dark, the only light emanating from the screen. There's another soft light through the door, and he rolls off the bed and shuffles towards it.

When he reaches the doorway he freezes, keeping himself tucked away in the darkness. Dean's sitting at the kitchen table, head bowed down. His forehead's almost touching the wooden surface, and for a moment Sam thinks he's asleep. But Dean's head slowly lifts to stare at something, and Sam inches far enough out to see the flask and a bottle of liquor sitting out on the table. He thinks it's whiskey, since that's the only thing he's seen Dad drink and the bottle matches the one stuffed in the trunk.

Dean slowly reaches for the bottle and Sam can see how he has to try and keep his hand lined up just right. San doesn't know what time it is, how long he's been asleep, or how long Dean's been drinking, but it's obviously been for too long.

Dean carefully fills his flask up, setting the bottle down before twisting the cap shut. He hesitates for a second before reaching for the bottle again, bringing it to his lips and tipping it up.

Sam watches Dean take a swallow before stepping towards him. Dean doesn't react, his reaction time dulled. Or he knew that Sam was there and just didn't give a crap. Sam doesn't know which one he'd rather believe in. He stays a couple feet away, moving around the table until he's able to look Dean in the eyes. "Do you like the taste?"

Dean shakes his head, his throat working as he swallows the bitter liquid.

"Then why?"

Dean shrugs out of habit. "Dad drinks it."

"Doesn't mean it's right."

"Doesn't mean it's not." Dean takes another drink from the bottle, draining it.

"But you don't like it."

"Sometimes it burns like that, Sammy." Dean finally turns to look at him, and Sam can see dampness at the corners of Dean's eyes. "Sometimes you just gotta take it."

"It's late."

"Yeah."

"Come on." Sam steps forward towards him. Dean looks sick in the faded yellow light, the shadows on his face an off-putting pale green color. He looks too old this way. Sam grabs Dean's wrist, the one holding the empty bottle. Sam can feel Dean's heartbeat, quick and fluttering underneath Sam's fingertips, and he tugs at him. "It's late."

"Yeah..." Dean says again, finally turning to meet Sam's eyes. His are already glazed over, a sight that churns Sam's stomach. He's used to seeing that look in Dad's eyes, in the guys they're not supposed to talk to when Dad stops by a bar for information. This isn't right.

"Let's go," he tells Dean, nodding his head in the hopes Dean follows suit.

"Yeah..." Dean repeats himself, dragging his eyes from the empty bottle over to Sam's worried face.

"Please," Sam whispers, tightening his grip on Dean. He knows how far to push their dad in this state, but Dean's a whole new ballgame.

"I'm sorry Sammy," Dean mumbles out, barely legible. He starts to crumple in the chair, slouching over to one side. And Sam realizes that he's tired of this, seeing people fracture around him.

Sam shakes his head. He wants to ask Dean to stop it now, to throw it all down the sink and never go back to it. That's what they talked about in that D.A.R.E. class at the last school he went to. That if you don't drink, the temptation doesn't exist. At the time, he didn't have the heart to tell the policeman teaching them that his theory was bullshit.

But Sam knows what it's like when Dad tries to quit, when he sobers up and goes cold turkey. It's almost worse that way. How the yellow eyed demon drives him up and down highways, no end in sight. At least there's some release found in a shot glass, more than his memories could ever give him, and Sam could never take away that by asking him to quit out loud.

Dean's staring at him, the silence of the kitchen echoing around them. The bug zapper outside sparks, the only noise Sam registers.

"What is it Sam?" Dean's voice is rough, eyelids half shut and Sam can't bring himself to ever ask the same of Dean. To put forward the plea of sobering up and breaking free of the rut the Winchesters have managed to find themselves in. There's a demon who killed the phantom mother that Sam never knew, and it's already consumed Dad. Sam couldn't live with himself if it ate Dean up as well.

"Let's go to bed." Sam gives a tug on Dean's wrist, causing Dean to stumble to his feet. He does his best to guide Dean, offering one shoulder to catch him with, but Dean's still lanky and filling in, overwhelming Sam's frame. He does his best though, remembering the nights Dean carried him from backseat to starched sheets, the comforting smell that all motel beds seemed to give off. It smelled like home to him, and it still does, the flash of lilacs only a distant competition in Sam's head.

The bedroom's lit up still but cooler than the kitchen by a good amount and Sam's thankful for that; that there's some relief to be found tonight. He helps Dean into bed before turning back to check the salt lines on all the doorways and window sills. There's a flare of pride in his chest, although underneath that a vague fear that he might mess this up.

"Sammy?" Dean's voice is muffled by the pillow, his face buried in it.

"Coming," he says automatically, taking one last glance around the bedroom before turning off the TV. He climbs back into bed next to Dean, sliding partially under the covers. It's still hot now, but the blanket's a familiar weight and Sam knows it'll be cool in the morning. Dean raises his head up, blinking up at Sam.

"I'm sorry Sammy."

"It's okay, Dean. I got it." Sam tells him, reaching out to run his fingers through Dean's hair. It's how Dean used to get him to go to sleep, when Dad was out and they were waiting on a phone call.

"But you shouldn't, Sammy. Isn't fair..." Dean drifts off, pressing his head against Sam's fingers. Sam instinctively starts scratching, smiling at the soft noise Dean makes. He feels Dean shift, moving his arm around Sam's side and pulling him down next to him.

It's awkward at first, Dean's breath warm against Sam's chest, his hair tickling Sam's nose. But Sam falls into it, the smell of Dean's shampoo comforting. He tries something new, tangling his feet around Dean's, and he holds his breath as he sees how Dean reacts to it.

Dean just nuzzles in closer, deep breaths that make Sam realize how exhausted he really is. Sam rearranges himself around Dean, tucking in limbs and pulling on the blanket until it covers both of them halfway.

"Don't leave me," Sam whispers, suddenly aware that it's the only way he knows how to say good night right now.

"Never will, Sammy," Dean murmurs back at him, his arm tightening around Sam's waist. It's home, all of it, and Sam finally lets himself relax against his brother. There's a snap and fizz from outside, the bug zapper briefly lighting up the room with a pale blue light, but the night settles into silence once again. Dean's breath is heavy against Sam's skin, and he finds himself quickly falling asleep.  



End file.
